Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The Cubicle Farm

Once upon a time there was a man who worked in a cubicle farm. He was a cubicle farmer: he farmed cubicles. The cubicles would grow tall and strong in the artificial sunlight, and soon monitors, keyboards and phones with data ports would grow out of them.

This man was, by some people's standards, incredibly handsome, however most of the people who thought this were either his mother or his wife.

One year this man's crop was so good that two monitors grew out of a desk, instead of just the usual one monitor. The man rejoiced.

Eventually the cubicle life wore on him, until one day, tired from an especially exhausting day, he fell asleep in front of his two monitors. Usually the man only spent a couple of minutes in front of the two monitors, but on this particular day he slept for hours in front of them.

The radiation from both monitors was too much for his body to absorb. The man's genes started to splice and his proteins denatured, until he mutated into something unrecognizable by his peers.

He was unaware of this development until a tiny ant-like creature started pulling on the cuff of his trousers and woke him up. (His clothes expanded to fit his body, thanks to cutting-edge technology. It may have been a little tight in the crotch, though.) It turns out the ant-like creature was really a regulary-sized person, and the man with the tight pants was really just very large in comparison.

The coworker told the man that other people were affected by the radiation from the man's two monitors as well. As people walked by the man's cubicle, their hair would change color, or their stomachs would enlarge and their arms would shrink. Everyone who walked by had something changed by the radiation.

To combat the monitors' radiation, the man organized a meeting to discuss Diversity in the Workplace, and then bred his cubicle with the other cubicle plants around him. Soon other cubicles had more than one monitor as well, and some cubicles even grew small refrigerators.

Stay tuned for more of our story in a later blog post.

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