The first rule of Las Vegas is you do not talk about Las Vegas. The second rule is very similar, but topless.
We're going to Vegas because my wife is attending a teacher's conference, and I can't let her go by herself. There are many reasons why she can't go by herself, but the main one is this: She didn't know there were topless shows in Vegas.
Now I always knew that my wife was naive - that's one of her more charming attributes. But I thought everyone knew that Vegas had topless shows. How could I let her loose in a city like Vegas with no concept of the city's history, culture or pastime? What kind of husband would I be if I let my beautiful, innocent wife go to a city like that with no concept of what she was getting into? Let's face it, she needs me; I have no choice but to go. No, don't try to stop me, it's my husbandly duties.
And I'm sorry, Fam, but because "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," I will be unable to post anything about our trip. Just know that we will definitely be betting on the Hard Six, and I'll be sure to throw in some Mini-Baccarat in honor of my friend Jimmy.
So far our plans include an Elton John concert at Caesar's Palace as well as Cirque Du Soleil's "O Show" at the Bellagio. We could always get remarried if we need to blow some time. And I'll have to find something to do during the day while my wife is at her conference. I was thinking of getting a tattoo of the Vegas Strip on my back, but I'm not sure where I want to position the Stratosphere.