Thursday, August 31, 2006

Marshalling Fire

Tuesday's fire drill was a success. Only one body lay smoldering on the bottom of the steps afterwards, and I think he was a lawyer, so that gives me bonus points as Fire Marshal.

Right before the fire drill, our core system went down and Aaron and Jerry tried to stay behind and fix it. Their selfless actions were only met by my patented "Fireman's Carry." This technique involves lifting the person up, placing them so the bulk of their weight lies over your shoulder, then spinning them around until they cry Uncle.

One person tried to re-enter our office to get her purse. I yelled over the sirens to get out, first because there was a fire drill, and second because I had already gone through it and found nothing of worth. Don't these people know procedures?!

When a person is unable to go down the stairs during a fire alarm, he or she is instructed to stand inside the stairwell and wait for rescue. One poor old guy got confused, and went all the way down the stairs (taking his sweet time, by the way) and then cowered in the corner of the bottom stairwell. I finally convinced the guy to take the last two steps out the building by once again demonstrating my Firemen's Carry technique.

But before I could yell at the old guy at the bottom of the stairwell, I had to check the office, bathrooms and stairwell for bombs. I found what some people would consider a bomb in the men's bathroom, but it flushed down easily enough. The women's bathroom looked just like the men's, except it lacked the humongous globule of fungus taking up the middle stall.

All in all, I think we are prepared for a real fire alarm. I guess we'll find out next week, when we have to diagnose all of our issues without Jerry the Microsoft Guy, and someone goes berserk and throws a Molotov Cocktail into the conference room (again).

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