Friday, August 04, 2006

Mel Gibson Walks Straight Line in Path to Healing

With Israel bombing Lebanon, escalating violence in New Orleans and a nuclear standoff with Iran, the conversation in my family naturally turned to Mel Gibson's drunk driving offense. My mom, in typical Mom fashion, noticed that nobody in the media is making a big deal about Gibson driving drunk. For shame!

Everyone knows that you can only do two of the three things that Gibson did at one time when you are a big Hollywood star: you can either drive drunk, drive and launch a paranoid tirade against Jews, or launch a paranoid tirade against Jews and drink. There is no trifecta in this equation, unlike Gibson's "Passion of the Christ."

Personally, I think the Mellon should go to jail, purely for purposes of comedy. I can just imagine Gibson, in full prison garb, holding the bars of his jail cell and yelling, "Freeeeedooooom!" Or Gibson not wanting to drop the soap in the shower, tightly gripping a bar of Irish Spring and yelling, "Hold! Hold! Hoooold!" Okay, maybe it's only funny to me.

And while some of Gibson's friends have stood up for him, other actors, such as Rob Schneider of Deuce Bigalow fame, have stated that they will never work with Gibson because of his anti-Semitic comments. Psh, like Gibson would ever work with Schneider anyway. I think Deuce should be more ashamed of himself than Gibson for that lousy display of attention-whoring.

Speaking of whores, I actually think Gibson will make out okay. Drugs, alcoholism and maniacal, threatening speeches are all part of the Hollywood lifestyle. Paris Hilton was just a rich, ugly heiress before her sex tape made her a rich, ugly heiress crackwhore. Charlie Sheen spent more money on prostitues in five years than I'll make in my entire lifetime, and he still managed to find an actress who would still marry him. Nobody said actresses got jobs based on their brains.

And now, even though Gibson will probably get off and not be Bubba's bitch in a dark, stinky prison cell, he has managed to isolate himself from the people who may secretly rule the world's politics and money. Way to go, bonehead! You blew it! Put in a good word for me when you begin your path to healing.

Oh well... there's always the Made-for-TV movie.

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