After searching long and a-far, I've finally found my hero: the mayor of Blackey, Kentucky.
Why is the mayor my hero? Is it because of his mad organizational skillz or his vice-like grip over the 31st district's subdivision council?
Close, but no cigarillo.
It's his refusal to mow his own lawn.
Mayor Mike Dixon posted a sign on his fence that read "There are more important things in life than tall grass." And while this is technically true, what it should read is, "Nothing is less important than tall grass. Now get off my lawn!"
But tall lawns, as I've previously discussed, can be used for the benefit of all. They can be made into "organic fences" - so you can finally get that dog you've always wanted - or can feed up to several hundred farm animals.
Mayor Dixon also refuses to hire illegal aliens after his nephew Jim Bob had a bad experience with some aliens, their shiny spacecraft and a very long probe.
So Mayor Dixon, I salute you and your refusal to mow your own lawn. I just can't believe that you're a mayor. It seems like you should lead by example or something, but otherwise, good for you! Also, just a word to the wise, you'd better lay off the Moonshine.