Monday, August 14, 2006

Reinventing the Bum

At one time or another, most of us have encountered a homeless person. Occasionally said homeless person will pause in his or her endless tirade against an invisible audience and turn an opaque eye towards us, singling us out as heathens and demons, then asking us for money.

And as scary as these situations can be, I've found the perfect solution for re-humanizing these bums:

Bluetooth handless phones.

I thought of this solution a couple of days ago, when I came to work and thought one of my coworkers had turned into a zombie. The coworker in question was walking around, talking to himself, flailing his arms at the sky while pacing back and forth. And just before I pounced on him to end his undead suffering, he turned his head and I caught a glimpse of his Bluetooth handless phone.

At first I was intrigued. Could this device, which was planted upon his ear, be some sort of remote controlled device attached to his brain via wires implanted directly into his cerebral cortex? Possibly, but not likely. Most of us have pretty thick heads, so it would have had to be a much larger device for something like that.

Instead, Ockham's Razor came into play. My coworker wasn't crazy; he was just utilizing the latest technological fad that keeps us connected to every other person in the entire world at the same time, every instant of every day, making us closer and closer to the Hive Mind that we all know we will eventually become.

Homeless people could benefit in much the same way. People would no longer consider these people raving lunatics; we'd see the phones, and say, ah yes, another one of those A-holes with a handless phone.

No comments: