Wednesday, February 27, 2008

In Search of the Perfect Pediatrician

For the past week or so, Betty and I have been traveling the countryside in search of the best pediatrician for our baby. Betty was interested in finding someone who would listen to our needs, has lots of years of experience, has flexible office hours, is always on call, is easy to contact and would answer all of our questions.

I just wanted a pediatrician with a bunch of cool toys in the waiting room. All doctors go through the same schooling, but they don't all buy the same toys, am I right?

We only interviewed two candidates before making our choice. The second pediatrician had all of the qualities that Betty was looking for, plus is the twin sister of one of Betty's coworkers (who is also amazing with children). And of course, her toys were far superior to the first pediatrician's.

Now, I don't know what most of you are thinking at this point, but I know what my mom is thinking: think of the germs!

Yes, it's true, children carry germs around. It's what they do best. And by allowing my child to play with any toys, regardless of how cool they are, will expose him or her to countless cooties. In fact, having cooler toys may even be a downside, because more children will want to play with the cooler toys, which will only increase the germ-to-toy ratio.

That is why I plan on personally playing with every toy in the pediatrician's office every time I bring my child in. I will play with and test each toy for durability, then will wipe the toys down with a "wipey." I will then immediately let my child play with the toy under tight supervision, and will smack around any other child who tries to join in on my child's fun. Sharing is fine, just as long as you're not sharing germs.

So listen up all you pediatric dentists and other pediatric specialty doctors: you'd better get your acts together and buy some cool loot for us to play with, otherwise you'll have to find yourself new clients! We only accept the best for our children!

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