Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Bare Idol

One of my strongest talents in life is being able to tell who is gay and who is straight. That should tell you all you need to know about my (lack of) talents. It's not necessarily "gay-dar"... it's more like Spider-Man's spider sense.

Anyway, I like to use my talents to determine which American Idol contestants are gay or straight, and then we take bets on whether I am right or wrong. Believe me, it leads to much more interesting conversations than trying to determine which contestant is going to win. (For the record, David Archuletta is going to win.)

I don't really care which ones are gay or not - I don't vote, because that would be gay. Sometimes it's really easy to point out gayness, like with Danny Noriega, the Sassy Gay. And sometimes it's only obvious to me, like with David Hernandez.

Now, for the record, I called out David Hernandez for being gay the moment I saw him on American Idol. I took a lot of crap for this, because for some reason, people associated his good singing with being non-gay. Nay, I said to them, vocal ability has naught to do with the gayness of one's genetic makeup.

Anyway, David Hernandez apparently used to strip at an all-male strip club, and would give lap dances to other men. Don't believe me? Then read this article from the AP. The AP doesn't lie.

Okay, so the point of this blog wasn't to out David Hernandez. Like I said before, I don't care if someone is gay or not - I just do it for the money. The point was that if you read the link that I posted above, you'll see that David Hernandez stopped stripping because his state license expired.

There is a license for being a male stripper? Seriously?

What does one have to do to have a male stripping license? Is there a test? Is there a height-to-wang ratio that needs to be met in some way?

I'm only asking because I routinely strip down to my underwear / spandex / birthday suit and take a couple of laps around the block, mainly when I'm starved for attention, and I don't want the police to think that I'm a male stripper. Because when asked, I could not provide any documentation on that topic, and the last thing I would want is for the police to think that I am either stripping without a license or that my license has expired. The State is at its worst when it's not getting money it thinks it deserves.

Also, now that it has been confirmed that David Hernandez is gay, someone owes me money.

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