Monday, March 17, 2008

Buy a Clue

Our good friend Kim lent us a VHS tape of the 1985 movie Clue on the one condition that we wouldn't fast forward through the commercials. The movie was actually pretty good - it had lots of cleavage, which made me happy, and it had several alternative endings, which made Betty happy because it confirmed her hunch that it was the butler in the foyer with the revolver, but only in the second alternative ending.

The commercials were incredible, too. It was like digging up an old time capsule, then remembering why you buried it in the first place.

One of the first commercials was Brad Pitt in a Pringles commercial. It made me want to go to the beach and spy on girls through an empty Pringles can, just like I did in the 80's.

The next commercial, and every alternate commercial for the rest of the night, was a Maxi Pad commercial. This one is the Always Plus Thins with wings, whose motto was "Make your vagina fly!"

My favorite commercial though was this Juicy Fruit commercial, because the Juicy Fruit jingle is one of my favorite jingles of all time. Other than the current Viagra jingle, that is. I do love that Smiling Bob!

VHS tapes captured the essence of the 80's by permanently recording the commercials of the time. It's almost a good thing that we no longer use VHS and instead use DVDs, Tivo and YouTube, because imagine what kids twenty years in the future would think if they watched a VHS of a movie shown on TV tonight: they would see countless commercials about prescription drugs, pills to get old men horny, condoms, and Botox. According to our future children, we are all wrinkle-free sex-craved double-bagging drug addicts.

So was it really the butler in the foyer with the revolver? Or was it Mrs. Scarlet with the candlestick in the dining room? Maybe it was Smiling Bob with a pack of Viagra and a syringe full of Botox. You'll only know if you add Clue to your NetFlix queue. Better yet, borrow it from a friend who taped it back in the 80's.

Thanks again for the VHS tape, Kim! To return the favor, we'll let you borrow our copy of Pootie Tang.

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