To friends, family and random strangers who are currently reading this blog post, I am Bobby. But to people at work I'm known as Robert.
Most of my coworkers, when they find out that my friends call me Bobby, are pretty shocked. They can't think of me as "Bobby." As one person told me, "Bobby is a kid's name." Maybe "Bobby" brings to mind images of a happy and carefree person, whereas I'm usually a stick in the mud at work.
I don't apologize for it, either. Look, all you Bobby-haters, I don't go to work to be anyone's friend. I'm there to get that large list of items on my To Do List done at work so I can leave on time and finish my large list of items on my To Do List at home. If you in any way impede my progress of getting my work done, I get more Robertish and less Bobbish.
I bring up names and people's reactions to names because Betty and I are about to name another human being. What a huge responsibility! And I, who have two names which people identify with two different personality traits, am supposed to pick the perfect single name for my child. Can it be done!?
What if he or she doesn't like the name? Or what if other people don't like it or make fun of our kid? It's like this Saturday Night Live sketch from 15 years ago, where a guy gets a telegram for "Mr. and Mrs. Asswipe Johnson" and the guy tries to explain that his name is pronounced "Ahz-wee-pay."
Is it even worth considering what other people will think about our kid's name? People say that a person grows into the name. You might hear a name like Plaxico and think, "Plaxico?! What kind of stupid name is that?" But then later on in life you think, "Wow, Plaxico is the perfect name for that guy. I can't imagine him as anyone but Plaxico."
Anyway, if you want to guess the baby's name, it's 50 cents a guess. Just add your guess to the comments list and all proceeds will go to the baby's college fund. We'll collect the money later. If you are the first to guess the correct answer, we'll figure out your prize later.
And just for the record, it's not Plaxico, Knüt or Ahz-wee-pay. But it might be a combination of any or all of those.