Saturday, June 14, 2008

Defensive Testing

A week or so ago I got a speeding ticket, and Saturday I took my Defensive Driving class out at the Safety Council in Baton Rouge. I passed my Defensive Driving test with a 97%.

Now a 97% sounds pretty good, but you have to understand, driving tests and I have a history together. Back when I first got my license, I aced by Driver's Ed course but then failed the Driver's test twice, both times because I analyzed the questions too much. The third time I took the test, I told myself that the driving tests were written by the retards at the DMV, and that they were made so that complete morons could pass them. Once I stopped thinking critically about the answers and just answered whatever I thought an idiot would answer, I aced it.

So I took issue with the one item I got wrong on my test. When the moderator gave me my certificate, I told her that one of the questions on the test was wrong. She laughed a little, then her face dropped after she looked up and saw that I was giving her my "Bob Stare." She gave me a blank look for a few seconds, then asked what was wrong.

I went into Lecture Mode. "The Safety Council promotes the 'Two Second Rule'," I began, then explaining (in case she didn't know) that the Two Second Rule is "where you follow behind another vehicle by two seconds. However, that rule only applies when there are ideal driving directions. When it's raining, the road is wet or there are other hazards on the road, two seconds is not enough time to give yourself when following another car."

I asked if she agreed with my definition, and reluctantly she agreed that she did.

"So why," I continued, "when your test asked if it was true that 2 seconds is enough time to give yourself when driving on wet pavement, I answered false but your test said the answer was true?"

She thought about it for a second.

"It is true. You need to give yourself at least two seconds."

"Aha!" I exclaimed. "I agree that you need to give yourself at least two seconds, since giving yourself more than two seconds would encompass those two seconds, but that is not what your test asked. Now if you could please update my score to 100%, I'd really appreciate it."

She kept staring blankly at me. I gave her a little Jedi wave, slowly moving my hand across her line of vision.

"I'll talk to the people who make the test," she said flatly. "Next!"

So I made a 97% on my test, but in theory it should have been 100%. I know it was a dumb thing to argue about, but who knows, that one answer could have determined whether or not I passed.

Safety Council, I accept your apologies.

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