Now that my house in inhabited by two females, I felt the need to offset the surge in estrogen by "manning up" the house.
To masculinize the house I first gave my yard a Mohawk, because nothing is manlier than a Mohawk. To do this I first let my yard grow to an unconscionable height, which took about three weeks. I knew my yard was ready when the neighbor's kids lost their basketball in my yard. Then I mowed a third of the yard on each side, leaving just one awesome section of four foot tall weeds trailing down the center.
Picture of my lawn mid-Mohawk.
Next I scoured the house to find something to make more manly. This banana and pair of tomatoes were perfect for manning up. Nothing says "I'm a man!" like making a wiener and balls out of fruit. Now this dainty fruit tray can stand tall and share its manliness with the world.
Finally, I shaved all of my weekend stubble except for my mustache. Nothing says "Look at how manly I am!" like a two day-old mustache.
Well, sorry to say but I have to cut this blog short. All of my uber-manliness has gotten the attention of my wife. Victory!
Oh wait, she just wants me to go out and finish mowing the lawn.
So much for manning up the house.