Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Olympic Medals Show Nations' True Colors

What I love about the Olympics is that they show each nation's true colors.

For instance, although I usually think of ninjas, samurais or Highlander when I think of sword fighting, our American women dispelled any doubt that they are handy with a shiv by sweeping the Women's Individual Sabre.

Just how did the US women prepare for the Sabre event? According to gold medalist Mariel Zagunis, "I meditated on my a-hole of an ex-boyfriend and what I would do to him if I had a sword and I saw him with that slut Melissa." Good advice for any aspiring female athlete.

You know the old saying: Hell hath no fury like a sword-wielding woman scorned.

The Olympics also dispels stereotypes. In the US we make a big deal about gun ownership, but a few days ago the Chinese won gold medals in both Men's and Women's 10m Air Pistol, a silver in Men's 10m Air Rifle, a bronze in Men's 50m Pistol and a bronze in Men's Double Trap. Clearly the Chinese are experts with guns - they did invent gunpowder, after all.

The only medal the US won for shooting was Corey Cogdell's bronze in the Women's Trap. "Women's Trap" sounds like it would either be a woman's mouth or va-jay-jay, but it's not: it's basically skeet shooting.

Awww skeet skeet!

So apparently we have a lot of guns in the US, but we just suck at shooting them. All the more reason for gun control if you ask me.

So you see, the Olympics is about more than just looking at young women in tight-fitting spandex lift their legs over their heads... it's also a cultural mirror. Or maybe it's only about looking at young women, I forget. Either way, enjoy the games!

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