I'm happy to say that I crushed my family in our annual Emmy contest.
Technically, my sister tied my high score, so I guess I should share this honor with her. Therefore...
I'd like to accept this honor alongside my sister, and would like to thank my beautiful wife, Betty... my Princess Baby, Anne... and the rest of my family (excluding my sister) for failing to select the correct nominees when filling out their Emmy ballots.
Upon submitting her Emmy picks, my sister requested that her prize be that she gets first dibs on holding Anne at every family function for the next year. But since my sister did not outright win our Emmy contest, I can only guarantee her that she'll be the first person to hold Anne half the time. The other half of the time she'll have to bribe us, just like everybody else.
As for me, my prize request was that my wife write a blog post about how great I am. My plan was that, if my wife ever plans to divorce me, I can give the judge the URL of the blog post and say, "See, she thought I was great at the time!" But Betty says she'll only write half of a blog post since I tied and did not win outright, and also that I'll have to help out around the house more so that she'll have time to write her blog.
Seeing that my prize is actually going to cost me my leisure time, I hereby redact my original request. My new prize will be to spend more time with my wife and daughter. And gloat about my winning for the next year.
The Oscars are on February 22nd. Family, I suggest you get those Netflix queues ready.