Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween!

We had a magical Halloween night - thanks to a certain fairy godmother who provided her little Cinderella with a pumpkin carriage!

[Pic: Betty and Anne]

Peter was a natural as Curious George, since he's already a little monkey. And I was The Man in the Yellow Hat, albeit a shorter, fatter, much more handsome version.

[Pic: The fam!]

My parents dropped by to go Trick or Treating with us. My dad really enjoyed it - he was asking everyone if "this is the house where you're giving out cash instead of candy." He almost got a few bites!

[Pic: Gransy and Papa]

Armed with our candy buckets, magic wands and sparkly shoes, we took to the streets in search of loot. But as much as we practiced knocking on the door with Anne so we could yell "Trick or Treat!" we actually never once knocked on a door at all. The new trend is for parents to sit outside and have the kids just walk up to them. It worked out well for us, as that way we could move from house to house much quicker.

Betty made a big meal in order to give our bodies all the nutrients it would need for the arduous task of walking down every street in our neighborhood. She made hot dogs, chili, Frito pie, seven-layer dip, plus lots of little extras like orange juice frozen into pumpkin-shaped ice cubes. And each dish was all Halloweened up.

For instance, check out these mummified hotdogs...

[Pic: Hot diggity dogs!]

And this smiley seven-layer dip...

[Pic: Seven layers of smiles!]

I didn't like the way that dip was smiling at me, so I ate it. That'll learn'm!

We had a blast this year! Thanks, Gransy and Papa Cheech, for coming by to spend this holiday with the kids! Our friends Brannon and Sheila also came by with the kids - lots of fun! Next year we'll have to do something awesome, like all be part of a Voltron costume or something.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Bob the Ballerina

Halloween is a time for wearing scary costumes. And what is scarier than me in little-to-no clothes?

The answer: me in a ballerina outfit.

[Picture: Bob the Ballerina!]

That's me in one of Betty's old ballerina outfits, thigh highs (because I couldn't find any leggings), pink slippers and a bow. (Don't worry, Mom, I wore shorts under my outfit.) And since I didn't have any place to put my phone, I tucked it into my man-boob. And, oh yeah, that's me at work.

Actually, let me back up a bit....

When I was in college I participated in the Phi Mu Man of the Year contest to raise money for the Children's Miracle Network. Us men had to wear tuxedos, and we also had to display a talent of some sort. (I was unsuccessful in my lobby for a swimsuit competition.)

Lots of guys had actual talents, like playing guitar, playing piano, juggling, etc. But I, having no real talent of any kind, made do with making people laugh. I did so by somehow squeezing myself into one of Betty's old dance outfits and then danced around on stage in front of thousands of guests to some music from the Nutcracker. Some of the girls from Phi Mu were nice enough to join me on stage for a few minutes at the end, and they were much more graceful and elegant than I was.

Having no actual talent and wearing a lady's ballerina outfit stretched way beyond the max, I still somehow won the People's Choice that night.

And so I thought: I could win my company's Halloween costume contest this year by dusting off the ol' ballerina outfit. Genius!

Couple of problems. First, I had to lose ten pounds to fit in the damn thing. Betty's something like 90 pounds lighter than I am, and I have no idea how I fit into this thing... but I knew that the entire thing would explode if I didn't lose a couple of inches off my waist.

Second, we couldn't find any plain white leggings so I wore something called "Thigh Highs". Guys, you've probably seen those on certain websites while browsing the Internet late at night.

Third, I didn't have any place to put my keys, phone or wallet, so ended up jamming my phone in my man-boobs and had to find a safe place for my other loot. Having my phone tucked into my breast area was actually pretty convenient, as then I could play Nutcracker songs on it while dancing around.

Short interlude: Ladies, you have no idea how much more I respect you for all that you do. Losing weight to fit into a dress... finding the right pair of shoes to match your outfit... evading people trying to take pictures up my skirt... but the worst part was probably wearing the thigh highs, as they cut off the circulation in my fat legs. Plus I ripped a hole in the back of the dress.

But it was all in the name of good fun (plus money for the winners) so I had no choice but to present myself as a ballerina for all of my coworkers' enjoyment and/or horror.

Of course, I couldn't let my daughter see me in a ballerina outfit. She's too young and she wouldn't understand, and it would probably cause years of therapy down the road. So when I left the house I had clothes on over my costume.

[Picture: Bob the Ballerina!]

We also had to parade around our building in order to show off our costumes to everyone. I danced around the entire building - a pretty tiring experience considering that, as a computer programmer, my main form of transportation is basically to use my legs to propel myself while sitting in my chair. So I had to practice my dance moves. I don't have a picture of me dancing at work, but I do have a picture of me practicing my mad skillz at home:

[Picture: Bob the Ballerina!]

I came in third place in the costume contest. I basically told everyone that if I won or at least placed then I would never wear anything like this to work again. That seemed to do the trick.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy Halloween! Because if you don't, you just might get a visit from the Tantrum Ballerina. Be afraid... be very afraid!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Favre Fodder

There's been a lot of talk about Brett Favre lately. He had a great season with the Vikings last year, then wasn't sure if he was going to play again this year, then decided to play, then got tendinitis in his elbow, and then word got out that he allegedly sent Jenn Sterger sexual text messages and pictures of his old, grizzled dong.

Let me say that again: Brett Favre knows how to sext.

What has the world come to?

Lots of people are outraged by Favre's behavior. His wife has stated that she's turned to religion and her faith to see her through this ordeal, which can only mean that the wang in the video on Deadspin must be Favre's. I mean, she would know best, right?

But some questions remain unanswered, like: How does he have time to learn to work all of these newfangled gadgets, like phones and text messages? And was he sexting while watching tape of the Jets' defense, and is that why the Vikings lost?

If you don't know who Jenn Sterger is - ie, if you're not a male human under the age of 40 - Jenn Sterger was one of those girls at Florida State who dressed up like cowgirls wearing tight, skimpy outfits. She also posed for Maxim and for Playboy. (I've linked to the Maxim photo shoot, but you're on your own for finding the Playboy pics.)

So it's not like this is the first time that a guy has exposed himself to Jenn Sterger. Someone's probably exposing himself to her (or her picture on the Internet) right now.

So now I'd like to ask Brett Favre the question that everyone is thinking but nobody wants to say out loud:

Brett, how did you really get that tendinitis in your elbow?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


I have a new pet peeve: people tailgating while walking.

I call it rumpgating, or rumping for short.

Rumping usually occurs when one person is walking really slow, and another person is trying to walk really fast but can't get around the slow-walker. Rumping also generally occurs most often in narrow hallways or when there's no room to walk around the offending slow walker.

I starting hating people who "rump" when I started to rumpgate someone this week.

(Yes, I was offended at my own behavior. This is not a natural state of mind for me, as usually I have absolutely no shame.)

There was a rather large person walking in front of me in a narrow hallway. The person was walking so slowly - if walking can be said to be what this person was doing. It was more like waddling, or purposefully taking the tiniest steps possible while taking the biggest side-steps in the history of mankind.

I needed to go around this person, but what could I do? Do the rules of the road apply to people walking in the hallways?

So I rumped.

The person looked back at me and I gave them my most dazzling smile, as if to say, "Hi! How are you? Don't mind me, I'm just rumpgating you."

This weekend I plan to take rumpgating to a whole new level by rumpgating with several friends outside a sports stadium while grilling burgers and drinking beer.

Park Place

Good news for the Tanory clan: there's a new park right by our house! It's called Oak Grove Park, and it's on the corner of Airline and Highway 42.

Betty and I have been watching this park being built over the last few months, and we couldn't help ourselves but to take Anne and Peter on the day it opened.

This park has everything! It has slides...

Picture: Slides!

a spray park... (Annie didn't go into the spray park while the water was going, but she ran around after they shut the water off)

Picture: Spray park!

tunnels connecting slides to monkey bars...

Picture: Tunnels!

and giant, human-friendly grasshoppers!

Picture: Giant bugs!

Our park even has a little canopy so DaDas with their babies can hang out and watch their wives and kids run around the park.

Picture: Canopies with DaDas!

There's also a sand volleyball court. Fancy!

This park is courtesy of the people of Ascension parish's Recreation Committee and was proposed by parish councilman Chris Loar. Thanks to everyone involved for helping to make our community better!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

The Plane Pull

Saturday we went to the 2nd annual Plane Pull at the Baton Rouge airport. Now I don't know much about pulling planes, but I did know that I needed to wear gloves as otherwise I'd probably get some severe rope burns on my palms.

I told Anne that she could help me pull the plane, so she went and found some gloves to put on, too.

Picture: Anne gloves up

The Plane Pull was actually more of a festival. There was free parking, free admission, lots of games, a pretty rocking live band called the Bench Bar Boogie Band, ice cream, nice people working the booths, and best of all, inflatables for the kids. Once Anne caught a glimpse of the inflatables, she totally forgot about helping me pull the plane.

Picture: Anne loved the inflatables!

I thought I was tired after pulling on a 73 ton jet, but I briefly saw Betty running around after Anne - all while holding Peter - and I knew that I was outmatched. Betty always finds a way to one-up me!

Picture: Anne loved the inflatables! (Part 2)

There was even a NASCAR race car there. I did my sexiest pose to try to recruit fans for my team. I would have leaned farther over the hood and possibly put a leg up, but I didn't want to pull any muscles before the big event.

Picture: Sexy, kinda....

Before I went to go help my team in the Plane Pull, I yelled out for Anne and Pete to come and give me a good luck hug. Then all of a sudden I get a nice big hug from the Pelican State Credit Union mascot named Petey.

Picture: Anne and Petey

So Petey the Pelican gave me a big hug, but Pete was off playing in the games booths. I eventually found him trying to impress the ladies by pretending to be the pilot of the plane that I was about to pull.

Picture: Pete the Pilot!

So anyway, on to the Plane Pull!

Here is a picture of the plane that we were supposed to pull. I dubbed it Oceanic Flight 815.

Picture: Oceanic Flight 815-ish

The goal of the Plane Pull is to see how fast a group of 20 people can pull the plane 12 feet. Our team was the second group to go. The first group was the Southern University baseball team, and they did really well. They pulled the plane 12 feet in six seconds. And they did it while wearing cleats. Not too shabby!

We knew we had to pull our hardest in order to have a shot at beating Southern's time, so I tried to pump everyone up on our way out to the tarmac.

Picture: Ready to roll!

I won't lie, our team had some issues. We originally planned on lining up shortest to tallest, with the tallest guys in the back. Then we were going to line up with the girls in the front and the guys in the back. Eventually, we settled on just putting as many guys in any order as close to the front of the rope as we could. That way, the ladies behind us could watch how strong we are.

That was the plan, anyway.

Picture: Ready to pull...

Each team got two attempts to pull the plane. Our first attempt was something like 15 seconds. I think we even had extra helpers jump on the rope to assist us. Personally, I think someone put the brakes on the plane.

But our second time was much better - we pulled the plane 12 feet in 7.1 seconds. Not too shabby!

I haven't heard the results of the Plane Pull yet, but even if my team didn't place, I'm still very happy to have been a part of this great event. The purpose of the Plane Pull was to raise money for The Arc Baton Rouge, whose goals is to improve the quality of life for children and adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities and their families through advocacy services and support. Last year's event raised over $60,000. Hopefully this year raised even more money.

And if not, there's always a kinky picture of me leaning over a race car that I can probably get a few bucks for on eBay. Any takers?

Friday, October 15, 2010

Boo at the Zoo!

Anne's class took a field trip to the Baton Rouge zoo on Friday. And the BR Zoo apparently loves Halloween almost as much as I do, because they decked out the entire place in creepy Halloween decorations. There wasn't a single attraction that didn't have some sort of pumpkin, spider web or scarecrow next to it. It was a lot of fun!

Anne loved the decorations so much that she spent more time playing with them than actually looking at the animals. It was hard to even get her past the main gate of the zoo, because she immediately saw an inflatable pumpkin / snowman hybrid and had to go get a closer look.

[Picture: Pumpkin snowman!]

I guess if you've seen one endangered species of monkey, you've seen them all.

The zoo even decked out the bales of hay. Here's a bale of hay dressed up to look like a giant bat. I think the zoo should have had a sign up next to this Bat Bale stating the genus and species of this creature (may I suggest Lolium ecaudata?), and giving it a brief description, like it would for any of the actual animals.

[Picture: Bat bale!]

We haven't been to the BR Zoo in a while, but knew that they'd been working on revamping the tiger cage. It looked good - it reminded me a lot of LSU's habitat for Mike VI. There's a lake in it that looked so good, you almost forget that you'd immediately be ripped to shreds by a vicious giant cat if you tried to swim in it.

[Picture: The tiger habitat]

Anne was afraid of several animals, but she wasn't afraid of the tigers. Betty wasn't afraid of the tigers, either! Even the kid lurking in the background of this next picture seemed pretty confident about not getting eaten alive by tigers.

[Picture: By the tigers]

Someone asked how the tigers were transported to the zoo. I think my father-in-law Jimmy answered that question for us. I also recounted the scene from the Hangover where Ed Helms steals Mike Tyson's tiger, but none of Anne's classmates had seen that movie yet. Kids today.

[Picture: Tiger Transportation]

The zoo had all kinds of other fun stuff, like an inflatable haunted house...

[Picture: Haunted House]

decorative scarecrows...

[Picture: Scarecrows!]

a haunted barn and petting zoo...

[Picture: Haunted petting zoo!]

and they even decorated the prairie dog exhibit.

[Picture: Haunted prairie dog exhibit!]

Which means the prairie dogs were haunted and possessed! Egads! Look at how creepy this prairie dog looks! It's pure evil!

[Picture: Haunted prairie dog!]

Thanks again to Anne's school for putting on this field trip! Looking forward to the next one.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Skeletons and Scary Cats

My daughter has recently become scared of some of our neighbors' Halloween decorations. It's the first time that she's really shown genuine fear. When we go on our walks, she'll either want to turn around or pull the sun shade in the stroller down over her heard when we pass by a large black inflatable cat. And she'll whimper whenever we see a skeleton in someone's front yard.

The big cat hasn't been as much of a problem recently ever since it got a big hole in the back of it. It can't keep enough air in it anymore to keep it inflated. I take no credit for slicing up the cat, but it would have been fun to dress up like a knight and go fight it in front of Anne, so she could see that I was a hero and that cats are no match for a crazy guy wielding a Wii remote with a golf club accessory attached to it.

The skeletons are still up everywhere, but I keep telling her that there's no reason to be afraid of them. I calmly explain that bones by themselves cannot move without the help of muscles, ligaments and tendons. A skeleton has none of that, so it can't move.

Then, it takes electrical signals from a brain to flex those muscles in order to move the skeleton. So a skeleton with muscles, tendons and ligaments, but no brain or nervous system, is useless.

I then tell her that if you do happen to ever face a skinless, bloodless enemy composed of muscle, bones, a nervous system and ligaments, it would still need a heart, arteries and veins to pump blood to the muscles and brain so that they can function.

But with no skin, the blood and brain wouldn't stay in the body. So a skeleton with no skin is nothing to be afraid of.

Anne didn't seem convinced, so I went on: if the skeleton did have all of these things - in which case it wouldn't be a skeleton anymore - it would still need an immune system in case any part of it got infected. It would also need the endocrine system to send hormones all over the body, and internal organs to hold and/or create certain hormones. And unless it was going to live forever, it would need to generate new skeletons with skin, muscles and hormones, and so would need sex organs and also a mate.

Of course, if it had a mate and had kids, it would need shelter. And it would probably live with other creatures just like it for some type of herd protection.

Basically, as I explained to Anne, it's much more practical to be deathly afraid of a regular human than it is to be afraid of a skeleton.

Now Anne is afraid to leave her room. And it's all because of those damned decorations!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Break a Leg!

Our friend Leonard Augustus is in the Baton Rouge Little Theater's production of Rent, and Betty and I were honored to get an invitation to attend the opening night toast's before the first show.

We've been to several parties either put on by or in honor of Leonard, and they've all been very memorable so we made sure to book our babysitters well in advance. (Thanks, Grammy and Pops!)

For an example of how much fun Leonard's parties are, here's a picture of me and Betty at a Kentucky Derby party held at Leonard's house several years ago:

[Picture: Whip it good!]

Yes, that's a real whip in my hand.

It's bad luck to tell someone in a show good luck. So instead, everyone told Leonard to "break a leg." Which got me thinking: We say break a leg so often and we all know it really means "good luck," so the act of telling someone to break their leg is really wishing bad luck upon the performer.

And I couldn't have that.

I wanted to say something really nice to Leonard to thank him for inviting us to the party. And I wanted to wish him the best, most memorable luck that he had ever had! But I couldn't tell him to break a leg. Instead, I had to think of a much more horrifying way to injure, maim and/or disfigure himself.

I started to tell him that I wished several STDs upon him. But that would mean that he would have to "get lucky" to get the STDs in the first place. And that would be wishing him luck. So I had to scratch that one.

I thought of telling him that I hoped he accidentally fell off the stage and into the orchestra pit, but then I realized that he'd probably break his leg if he did that... and I was trying to not tell him to break a leg!

Attacked by a dog with rabies? Get the West Nile Virus from a skeeter? Contract a blood-born pathogen introduced into his body by a splinter? There were just too many options! Brain overload!

So instead, I just told him that I was hoping he'd have a transverse fracture in one or both of his legs by the end of the night. He took it in stride.

Thanks again, Leonard, for the invitation! I hope we didn't embarrass you by hanging out by the food table all night and eating all the toffee cookies. But you have to admit, it was the best seat in the house - until the actual show started, of course!

[Picture: That's us on the right! Proof!]

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Pink for October

For several years I turned my blog pink for October to promote Breast Cancer Awareness Month. My aunt died of breast cancer so I take it personally that this cancer is out there and there's no cure. We all have a part to play in eradicating it, and turning my blog pink seemed like the least I could do to help raise awareness.

But after a few years of going pink, I don't know how much good it actually did. Most of the people who read my blog either read it over email or on Facebook, so they don't get to see my pink blog in all its glory.

So this year, instead of turning my blog pink, I will do as I did last year and try to inspire men to get their wives / fiancees / girlfriends / mistresses to get screened for breast cancer. Because I think that if I speak from the heart about my love for ta-tas, other men will be inspired, and we will all get our loved ones screened.

I will be like the William Wallace of Breast Cancer Awareness. Freeeeedooooom (from breast cancer)!

OK, here it goes:

Men: Imagine yourself in a world without breasts. I know it's difficult but try. The world would be a dark and desolate place, wouldn't it? That is a world without hope... without fun... without happy fun bags.

How would mothers feed their young? How would Hooters survive as a franchise? What would we stare longingly at while trapped in a meeting at work?

A world without boobies is no world that I want to live in. And that's why I'm writing this blog today. Breasts make the world go round!

Last year I wrote that I wanted my friends to send out pictures of their healthy racks as proof that they were cancer-free. Unfortunately, I only received half a dozen pictures, and of the three that were pics of breasts, none were of female breasts. So I'm asking you again to send me pictures of your healthy breasts so that I know that you're OK. And, with your permission, I'll post them on the blog so everyone will know that you're doing well.

Get screened, for the good of the world!

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Poster Children

I make t-shirts on Zazzle just to see if someone buys them, and my best-selling shirt by far is my Baby Daddy shirt. It does so well that I even made a Baby Grand-Daddy shirt.

Zazzle has a "Foto Friday" where they post pictures that customers send them. In return for a picture of me enjoying my product, I get a few bucks off of my next purchase. Foto Friday helps us Zazzlers advertise our products and hopefully get some sales, and it also helps Zazzle b/c we send the link out to all our friends or post it on our blogs, so Zazzle gets some extra web traffic.

I sent a picture to Zazzle of me, my dad and my father-in-law all wearing our Zazzle products on the night that Peter was born. That was a very special night, and I'm proud to broadcast the image of my new baby to the world, along with me in my Baby Daddy shirt and the Dads in their Grand Baby-Daddy shirts. (Peter's wearing his fashionable hospital blankets and cap.) I think it's safe to say that we rocked that hospital like nobody's business!

And we made top billing, as we should have! Check us out! We're the new poster children for Zazzle, at least until next week's Foto Friday!

Monday, October 04, 2010

That One

Our friend Renee came by this week to see our son, Peter. But my daughter Anne couldn't quite remember Renee's name, or maybe she couldn't pronounce it, because she kept calling her "That One."

As in, "I want That One to play with me!"

Right to her face! Pointing and everything!

It was hilarious.

"Angel, it's rude to call someone 'That One' to their face," I lectured. "You should at least wait until they turn their back on you."

So now we call Renee "Aunt That One", or just T.O. for short.

Plane Yankers

On Saturday, October 16, I will be part of a team from my work competing in a "Plane Pull" at the Baton Rouge Metro Airport.

I'm going to be a Plane Yanker!

The plane pull is sponsored by Turner Industries. Here's a blurb of last year's event from Turner's website:

The Plane Pull Festival is a full day event complete with music, games, food, and fun. The main event, pulling a seventy-three ton jet, is a timed team event. The team that pulls the jet a distance of twelve feet, with the best time, wins the challenge. The most enthusiastic team is also acknowledged and, in good spirits, so is "Slowest Pull"!

My company won the plane pull last year. This year, with the help of the Tantrum, we'll not only win again, but we may even get this jet going so fast that it takes off the runway.

I've been training for this big event by doing two things simultaneously:

1. Wearing extremely short shorts, a sleaveless shirt, sunglasses and large padded gloves; and

2. Practicing my mad pull skillz by tugging on every object within my immediate vicinity.

Today, while practicing for the plane pull, I pulled a shirt out of my closet so hard that the cross bar in the closet almost came out. Then I nearly yanked my car door out of its socket. I might have pulled a large panel out of my cubicle at work, although to be fair I think it was already partially dislodged due to me banging my head against it while working on a difficult project last week.

I think I'm a natural. That seventy-three ton jet doesn't stand a chance!

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Time for a New Head Coach?

Les Miles isn't the only coach under fire. There's another angry crowd of football fanatics, and they're ticked about their team's 0-4 start to the season. And if their team doesn't win the next game, they're just about to oust their head coach.

The football team in trouble is the Tantrum, the fantasy football team of the Tanory Tantrum. And the coach is none other than Bobby Tanory, the prolific blogger who obviously doesn't know jack about football even after listening to Sirius NFL Radio for a full year.

Tanory held a press conference after the game, where he was met with questions and accusations from angry fans.

"Demaryius Thomas only had 1.4 fantasy points!" one fan shouted. "How do you justify starting him?"

"Ummmm..." replied Tanory, "Mike Williams [from the Tampa Bay Buccaneers] had a bye week, so I had to play somebody. And with a name like Demaryius I figure he had to either be a good football player or a good speller. I guess I was wrong about one of those."

Another accusation hurled at Tanory: "You changed your defense from Miami to Seattle, then Seattle gets whupped by St. Louis! I mean, St. Frickin' Louis!"

Tanory looked depressed as he tried to defend himself. "Miami is playing the Patriots on Monday night, so I thought Seattle had a better chance of getting some sacks and interceptions. Seattle has a bye next week so there will be another defense in place, but there would have been one anyway after that ridiculous performance."

"Look, the buck stops here," said Tanory, pointing to a dollar bill on the floor that he had stopped with his foot, "and I take full responsibility. I played most of my Saints players because I love the Saints, but we have to understand that every team is going to give their best against the Saints because they are the defending Superbowl champions. So some of their stats are not going to be as high as other players, but what's important is that the Saints won the game."

"You suck!" shouted several onlookers, who were mostly members of Tanory's immediate family.

Tanory's fourth loss in a row was to a team called "Show me ya TD's", which was 1-2 before Sunday's contest. Tanory said he enjoyed researching "Show me ya TD's" team and scheming a game plan because his opponent's avatar was a hot naked girl holding a football over her ta-tas.

"It definitely was distracting," said Tanory. "What were we talking about again?"

Next week the Tantrum plays team "Papa Mageez", whose team is currently 2-1, but may be 3-1 after Monday. So it looks like the Tantrum will be 0-5 after next week. If that happens, Tanory plans on firing both his offensive and defensive coordinators, who are both also Bobby Tanory.

This time next week, both LSU and Tantrum fans might be calling for a new head coach. If that happens, Tanory says that he'll be happy to let Les Miles take over his fantasy team, because there's no clock management skills necessary to compete in the fantasy league.

Saturday, October 02, 2010

Help Preserve the Mounds!

Saturday we tailgated with some friends at the LSU Indian mounds before the LSU / Tennessee football game. There's been some controversy lately because LSU has roped off the Indian mounds and is no longer allowing kids to run / slide / roll up and down them. The main reason cited has been that the mounds are sacred burial mounds, so not only are the kids (and adults who chase after the kids) running up and down a burial site, but the Indian mounds are starting to sink - or are being eroded away.

To keep the kids at bay, LSU put up some signs saying, "Look but please do not climb." So we didn't climb... but I did lift Anne up and over the fence. It's all semantics!

[Picture: We weren't climbing!]

There are some other signs on the fence that blocks off the Indian mounds. One says, "Help preserve the mounds."

[Picture: Help preserve the mounds]

This got me thinking. The mounds are breast-shaped, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and LSU has chosen the month of October to put up the "Preserve the Mounds" signs. So maybe this whole "preserve the mounds" deal isn't about protecting the Indian mounds at all. Maybe it's about preserving our country's greatest natural resources: our females' breasts!

[Picture: Help preserve the mounds]

Yes! That's it! LSU wants us to preserve the "mounds" - our lady-friends' ta-tas! What a great, if subtle, marketing campaign for Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

Now's a good time to remind to all you ladies out there to check yourself for lumps, and if you're 40 or older then go get a breast exam. And men, do the honorable thing and check your woman's breasts for lumps, right now. Use both hands, just to make sure.

As for me, I checked the LSU Indian mounds for lumps. Several times. I checked every square inch of those magnificent, sacred mounds. I didn't find a lump, but I might have missed something, so I should probably go back and check them out again during our next tailgating adventure on LSU's campus.