Tuesday, July 19, 2011

In Quotes

Everything sounds dirty when you put quotes around it.

For example, last week I told my wife that I was going to go "trim the trees." I meant it - I was really going to "trim the trees." With my "pruning shears," if you know what I mean.

And just now I told my wife that I was going to the computer to "blog." When she asked what I was going to blog about, I said that I didn't know, but that she could be sure that I would be "blogging furiously" for the next 15 minutes.

When using finger quotes during a conversation, it's important to note that you should "use two fingers" instead of just one for maximum effect. Using one finger is considered unsightly, while using three or more is unheard of and would be considered extremely rude.

If you want to sound extra randy, you can give a "wink and a smile" right after using the quotes. However, doing this will make all other uses of quotes less dramatic.

Now, go try out your new quoting skills on an innocent bystander. Good luck!

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