Monday, August 01, 2011

There Can Be Only One!

I just watched Highlander on Netflix Instant. The special effects were cheesy, but I loved the story. To be fair, the special effects were probably great for their time. I've been going around in my kilt all day saying, "There can be only one!"

Yes, I own a kilt - well, a $12 Wal-Mart version of one. Don't ask.

I wasn't sure if I should ruin my incredible Highlander experience by watching the sequels, as I've heard they're all pretty terrible. The reviews are so terrible that the sequel to Highlander has a 0% rating at RottenTomatoes. Wowsers!

But I was still interested in reading the plot summaries of the sequels and TV series, and while looking at the list of sequels I discovered that they're about to remake Highlander. Not only that, but they're bringing in people who helped write some recently successful movies, such as Iron Man and Twilight.

Since they're still writing the script, I think it's early enough in the process for me to give them my two cents:

Use Toyota Highlanders in the remake!

Here's a regular Toyota Highlander:

[Picture: Unkilted Highlander]

And here's a Toyota Highlander in a kilt. It's ready for some action! And it might not be wearing underwear - nobody knows!

[Picture: Kilted Highlander!!!]

Here are some of my ideas in which a real Toyota Highlander would make a great replacement for a human Highlander:

1. The first scene of the original movie takes place in the parking garage for Madison Square Garden. Sounds like the perfect place for two Highlanders to duke it out! They could be fighting over the last parking space instead of fighting over who gets to be the last immortal.

2. The main character - Connor MacCleod - could be the name of the dealership that's glued to the back of the main Highlander.

3. The films have a term called the Quickening. This could be renamed to be the Accelerating. It would fit in nicely with Toyota's image lately.

4. "Highlander II: The Quickening" has some environmental messages in it. For example, there's a lot of talk about the ozone layer, how to fix it, etc. So the Highlanders used in the remake could be hybrids, since they would be more environmentally friendly (except for when they destroy each other and spread their enemy's metallic shards across the landscape, as I envision in the rewrite).

5. Instead of Connor being from Glencoe, Highland (in Scotland), the Connor MacCleod hybrid Highlander could instead be from an assembly line in Osaka, Japan. This could be where he gets his samurai sword.

I know what you're thinking: it's so brilliant, why hasn't it been done already? I don't know. But if you see any Toyota Highlanders in the remake, you'll know where that idea came from. And if you hate the movie because it uses actual Toyota Highlanders instead of human Highlanders, blame the people who made the movie for taking such terrible advice!

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