Saturday, September 03, 2011

The Vacuuman!

I have a new superhero identity: The Vacuuman!

Or the Vac-Human, if you prefer. And what are my superpowers? Only one: I suck.

As in, I can generate a vacuum's suction, using my vacuum arms.

I terrify all dust bunnies on dry land as well as any dirt or food particles hidden away in the carpet!  And I blast hot air as I move throughout a room, keeping evil-doers at bay.  I contain my enemies in a bag-like prison until it's time to bring them to the Trash Can prison.

OK, so... I vacuumed today.  Vacuuming is supposed to be my job around the house because it takes absolutely no skill or concentration - basically, tasks that I am perfectly suited for.  But I hadn't vacuumed in several months and decided that it was time for me to do my husbandly duty.

But vacuuming is boring.  Like, really boring!  So I had to make up a game to keep myself entertained.

At one point I passed by the piano while vacuuming, and decided that I could play piano with one hand while vacuuming with the other.  That worked until Betty saw me and gave me a stern look.  I left the vacuum to suck the same plot of carpet for a few seconds while I played piano with both hands, then went back to cleaning the carpet.

I also Cajun-ized my house while vacuuming.  For instance, "carpet" became "car-pay" by making it a French word, "tile" became "till-aye", and "trash can" became "trash can, sha!"  (Adding "sha" or "cher" to the end of anything automagically makes it Cajun.)

And a vacuuming human became the Vacuuman.

As you can tell, I have nothing else to do except hunt dust down and destroy it while I also watch ESPN Game Day and wait for the LSU vs. Boregon game.

Look out, dust.  The Vacuuman is coming for you.

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