Saturday, October 01, 2011

Breast Cancer Awareness Month: Test Your Ta-Tas

It's October, which means it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month, or as I like to call it, "Test Your Ta-Tas Month."

Testing your ta-tas is one of the most important things you can do.  You see, men are simple creatures.  We like sports, food, hunting, pro-wrestling (which I'm distinguishing from actual sports) and women.  In particular, we like things about women that are specific to women, like breasts and hoo-hoos.  (Note:  Man boobs, or "moobs," do not count as breasts in a man's opinion, unless you're into that kind of thing.)

Men like women so much that we do everything for them.  I mean, I enjoy writing software and making money, but if there wasn't a woman involved then I'd be perfectly happy to sit at home (or at my parents' home) and veg out.  They may not like it, but there would be no motivating me.  I'm a man - I need a woman to motivate me to do anything.

That's how it goes, folks.

And it's not just me.  History is rife with men doing crazy stuff for women.  Remember the Trojan War?  Yeah, there was a hot little Miss Thang called Helen of Troy who was kidnapped because she was considered to be the most beautiful woman in the world, and then the Greeks sent a thousand ships filled with soldiers and manly men to retrieve her.  They fought for ten years, over a woman.  A really hot woman.

Us men don't kid around when it comes to the ladies.

Need more examples of how much men go ga-ga for ta-tas?

King Henry VIII wanted to marry Anne Boleyn and the Catholic Church wouldn't let him, so guess what?  He declared himself the supreme religious leader of England and separated England from the Catholic Church.  The Catholics and Protestants are still fighting to this day in the UK.  This guy separated his entire country from God so he could get jiggy with a lady.

There are a lot of other examples but I won't get into them.  Just know this:  society only exists in its current form because men want to impress women.

I know what you're going to say.  "But Bob, aren't some wars fought just because some greedy people are trying to steal someone else's money and resources?"  The answer is no.  Greed is a direct result of wanting money so some guy can impress one or more ladies.

It's all about the ladies.

So women, you have an obligation to take care of yourselves so that us men can continue to be inspired and motivated by you.  And don't misunderstand me.  I'm not saying that men are not interested in what you have to say, or your ideas, or your thoughts and feelings.  We are.  We're just much more interested when we know that we have a chance at getting jiggy with you.

So go get your breasts examined so that the world can continue to run.  It's for the good of society.

No comments: