According to people who have no knowledge of the Mayan culture, the Mayans apparently decided that the world is going to end on December 21st.
This is good news for me, as it means that we won't have to celebrate my brother's birthday later in December, so he can't steal any attention away from me. Also, and more importantly, it means that I don't have to buy him a gift, since nobody will be here to enjoy it anyway.
Brother, I would have done something ridiculously special for you this year had we had a chance to celebrate your birthday. Instead, just know that I will spend that money on a slammin' End of the World party in its place. It will be spectacular.
Actually, the Mayan calendar is sort of like the Wheel of Time books by Robert Jordan: a lot of the foundation was borrowed from other sources but it still makes for a fine work of art, it's really all about a never-ending cycle, and the author didn't live long enough to see its completion.
We know of course that December 21st really just represents the end of the current cycle as well as the beginning of a new cycle. Beginnings and endings were very important to the Mayans. And for people who didn't have the Internet to reference or TI82 calculators to store their calculations in, the Mayan calendar is amazingly accurate. You can read more about the specifics of the Mayan calendar here.
So instead of the gloom and doom of thinking the world is going to end, this December 21st I'm going to look at the day as the end of an old cycle and the beginning of a new cycle. I'm going to not only make New Year's resolutions, but New Cycle resolutions as well. This is a time that we can all decide to be better people and live better lives, or we can continue doing the same old crap as always and be stuck in an infinite loop.
So please join with me on December 21st and pledge to be a better you. Whatever you plan on doing, do it without hesitation or fear of failure, and do it to the best of your ability. And don't care if anyone is watching or hoping that you fail - and there will be many - because those people are just stuck in their old cycle.
But no, Brother, you're still not getting a present... unless the New Cycle includes free same-day shipping.