Thursday, October 31, 2013

Last Minute Halloween Costume Advice

Happy Halloween!

Halloween is my favorite holiday. I get to dress up both at work and at home, my kids get to score lots of candy (which I get a percentage of - that's how we roll in the Tanory household), and girls dress up in slutty Chinese Takeout outfits.

It's a win-win for everybody, except for real ghosts, which are apparently scared away by people dressed up as fake ghosts.

If you were on the fence about dressing up for your company's Halloween costume contest and didn't prepare, have no fear! Here are a few simple outfits that are sure to get you noticed and/or fired at work. You may not win the costume contest, but you will definitely be remembered.

1. Horny Toad

Let's say you are a college football fan. Now you may be thinking, "I'll dress up as LSU's mascot, Mike the Tiger!" No, that's boring. I like Mike and all, but there are more interesting mascots out there... like TCU's horned frog. (That's their real mascot, by the way.)

How do you dress up like a horned frog, or as I like to call it, a horny toad? Easy. Get one of those green skin suits from Halloween Express and stuff a giant zucchini down your crotch.

Instant horny toad!

An alternate costume would be the Frog Prince costume. If you dress as a Frog Prince, you may have some ladies try to kiss you. Be wary of women that are overly affectionate towards amphibians - they are most likely gold diggers and/or have warts.

2. Custodian

One year Betty and I went to a Halloween party in college, and we dressed up as janitors. We both wore Walls outfits. The thing about being a custodian is that if you dress up as one, you have to sell it: you have to pick up after other people, you have to grumble while you do it, and you have to do it nice and slow.

The party we were at had a band, and when they went outside to take a smoke break, we went with them. The lead guitarist finished a cigarette and threw the butt on the floor, at which point I moseyed over to it, grumbled, bent down and swept it up using my dustpan. The guy exclaim, "Oh, I'm so sorry!" before I gave him the evil eye and he realized that I was in costume.

3. The Dancing Guy in the Red Tracksuit from SNL's What Up With That Sketch

I'll be honest: I've been wanting to be Jason Sudeikis' "dancing guy in the red tracksuit from SNL's What Up With That" sketch for about 3 years. My goal was to play the "What Up With That" song (which you can see and hear by clicking here) and just dance along with it.

Since I've never followed through with this one, it's up to you to do it! Let me live vicariously through you!

4. A Tourist

My costume for work this year is going to be "a tourist." I know, it sounds boring, and I won't win for best costume. However, it's going to be a lot of fun - I'm going to bring my Frommer's book (with a modified cover), have a map of the office building (so I can ask people how to get to key destinations), and will take pictures of everything and everyone. I'm going to ask people to sign autographs. I'm going to walk behind groups of people and pretend like I'm on a tour. I will have sunscreen on my nose all day - I'll store a bottle in my fanny pack. If anything, I hope to annoy everyone and maybe even get a few laughs.

Everyone have a safe and happy Halloween! And if you have any last minute costume advice, please leave a comment.

Friday, October 04, 2013

World's Best Dads

I like to think that I am a great father, but the truth is that I learned everything I know about how to be a nurturing, patient and respectful person from my father and my brother.

I've modeled my actions as a dad on my own father, who was always there for all of his kids no matter what. Regardless of how hectic his work schedule was, he was always at my baseball and soccer games. He even coached many of those teams.

And my brother, well... what can I say, I love him like a brother. I've always been able to watch what he did and learn from it. He was always able to figure something out first and then share that knowledge with me.

I've always wanted to know where this innate trait of being a great father came from, and now Science may have the answer. I could explain it all here, but I would just be posting someone else's research, so instead I'd like to just link to an article that explains it very clearly.

Please read the following article, then remember the great men who have made so much of an impact in your life.